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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Let's Talk About Sex, Me, and Assumptions

Before I delve into this I want to say that I hate the whole hookup culture of my generation. Not saying I hate anyone that likes meaningless sex, just saying it's not for me. Religious ideas aside, sex is literally the closest you can physically get to anyone. The whole idea of sex is to momentarily be one with another person. I don't take that lightly.

Now many a misconception follow people with disabilities. The biggest ones in my opinion are that we can't be sexy and we are asexual. Both could not be more wrong.

Growing up as a female it was really hard on my self-esteem never seeing models that look like me grace runways or fashion magazines. On that note though, in recent months there have been two models with Muscular Dystrophy who have gotten recognition. One walked (rolled) the runway during New York Fashion Week and the other was a fashion blogger who got contracted with Diesel for a print campaign. The more that disability is brought to the media the easier adolescence for a lot of people with disabilities will be. That shouldn't be the way it is but I don't make the rules of society.

After my hormones kicked in full throttle I was pretty sure I was invisible to the opposite sex. I had made it all the way through high school without dating, surely I was completely undesirable. Then I started online dating and I realized what the problem was. One of the first questions almost every guy would ask was “Can you have sex?” At first I didn't get it. I had entered womanhood fully aware that I was capable of sex and getting pregnant. Why wasn't the rest of the world privy of this knowledge? I finally knew why I was I was never a prospect for guys in high school. Let's face it, high school is a time of raging hormones and when people are dating they expect some type of action even if it isn't full on coitus. Guys who knew me were more than likely too afraid to ask. Eventually I got so tired of answering the question online that I just stated it in my profile. Apparently that's what most people with disabilities who try online dating have to do.

Online dating has taught me a lot. I'm not invisible to men. I can be sexy. And most of all I have to communicate. (One day I'll dedicate a blog post or a whole book about my online dating experience. I have some pretty interesting stories. )

This is such an important topic to me only because sexuality is one of the pillars of human nature. EVERYONE has sex. Old people, I'm talking 80+ (kind of gross). People with disabilities. Homeless people. People who don't have feeling below their necks or waists (fun fact: people who can't feel their private parts will just find other trigger points for an orgasm). Transgendered people. People who look like they shouldn't be having sex are probably having it. Everyone has sex because sometimes being one with another person is the only thing that makes sense in this crazy world.

I wrote this because I can't stand assumptions. Able-bodied women and men don't have to say that they can have sex. I shouldn't have to either. My ability to have sex shouldn't be the deciding factor for anything but it is. That's the world we live in. And honestly I've spent my whole life trying to prove assumptions wrong. Why do we make assumptions about anyone?

People assume I'm innocent. They assume I can't have fun. They assume I'd make a horrible significant other and mother. They assume I spend my whole life in bed, for non-sexual reasons, obviously. They assume I'm not as bright as I am. Assumptions have become brick walls around me preventing others from starting many relationships with me, platonic or otherwise. And I'm not perfect I make assumptions too. But the best assumption we can make with strangers is that we are all just human, with human vices, desires, needs, and dreams. Don't let someone amazing pass you by as a result of assuming.

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