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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Short & Sweet, I Need You

I'm sure most of you haven't noticed but I've been trying quite hard to write something worth reading every week. This will be my fourth post in four weeks. When I created this blog last year I knew that I wanted to write about everything and just really connect with my readers (as if I have thousands of readers, I don't...yet). There's countless blogs dedicated fashion, food, sex, love, music, et cetera. I could have stuck to one topic but I hate being put in a box.

Also, the thing is, creative writing has always been my thing. I like putting words together and making them flow in poetry. And I like creating new worlds in fiction stories because fantasy often beats reality. In high school there was an advice column that I wrote and not only did I have to write the advice but I had to make up the dilemmas because no one ever gave me any. Are you seeing a pattern here? I just like making stuff up and writing it down. Ergo, this whole blogging adventure is not my forte.

I have opinions about most topics, but it's exhausting trying to write something new and captivating every week. I've done the motivational, controversial, profound, and sexual post. In fact, my post about sex got the most views ever (so not surprising). I don't want to always discuss sex but I want to reach more and more readers. This is where you come in. If you read my blog tell me what you want to hear, er, read. I'll talk about ANYTHING. I really really want ideas. Sports, love, my life, religion, traveling, pop culture, anything, throw it at me. I'm serious though, let me know what you want to read about. I'm going to keep writing no matter what but I'd love some ideas.

You can leave those ideas here, Facebook, or Twitter. Thanks, I appreciate all the support!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Writer of Dreams

I believe that every decision I'll ever make, every person I'll ever meet, every road I'll ever traverse is drawn out on a map, penned in the galaxies. Whatever happens by the end of the race was meant to happen. Even if I don't know the reason I know that an event is never without reason. I believe in destiny, so to speak.

However, just because I believe in destiny does not mean I expect life to toss everything in my lap. I'm quite purpose driven. The entirety of my life has been spent making goals. In fact each hospitalization that I've had part of the reason I got through them is because I had some goal. My last serious hospitalization I was 17 and I wasn't supposed to make it. I remember saying in my head over and over again, “You can't die because you have to go to prom.” In retrospect that was kind of silly. I had more important upcoming events such as high school graduation or my graduation trip. But I was a girl that had spent my whole life dreaming about prom (not my wedding) and nothing, not even pneumonia and one non-functioning lung was going to deprive me of that night. Goals are what saved me.

As a child, I had aspirations of being the next Whitney Houston (minus the crack part), an actress on the red carpet, a dancer, a fashion designer, stuff like that. Then my disease kept progressing. I'm positive I was a famous stage actress in another life. Anyway, when those dreams were no longer viable I made new ones. To me, real life sometimes sucks if you have nothing to look forward to.

Many people think one of the biggest problems with my generation is that we don't believe the American Dream is alive so we just wait for our destinies to take shape. I think it's more than the elusive American Dream that stops people my age from going after their goals. I think most people are afraid of failing. They rather acomplish nothing than fail at something. The funny thing about that is the most famous people in the world experienced failures and rejections before anyone knew their names. The great thing about having aspirations is that no matter how many people don't believe in you they can't take your dreams. You're the keeper of your goals, don't pass out the keys.

And you don't have to have big goals, but have something. Make a goal to just be happy. Or to work hard so one day you can support your family. Or to travel more. Anything. If there's one thing I can't stand it's people who constantly complain about their lives but never do anything to change them.

I believe that my whole life is already written out, but I'm the co-author. Very little will happen if I don't set out and push the first domino. I want to look back on my life with few to no regrets. In order to do that I know I have a lot to get done.

So, are you contributing to the story of your life or are you just hoping it will all, magically, write itself?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Let's Talk About Sex, Me, and Assumptions

Before I delve into this I want to say that I hate the whole hookup culture of my generation. Not saying I hate anyone that likes meaningless sex, just saying it's not for me. Religious ideas aside, sex is literally the closest you can physically get to anyone. The whole idea of sex is to momentarily be one with another person. I don't take that lightly.

Now many a misconception follow people with disabilities. The biggest ones in my opinion are that we can't be sexy and we are asexual. Both could not be more wrong.

Growing up as a female it was really hard on my self-esteem never seeing models that look like me grace runways or fashion magazines. On that note though, in recent months there have been two models with Muscular Dystrophy who have gotten recognition. One walked (rolled) the runway during New York Fashion Week and the other was a fashion blogger who got contracted with Diesel for a print campaign. The more that disability is brought to the media the easier adolescence for a lot of people with disabilities will be. That shouldn't be the way it is but I don't make the rules of society.

After my hormones kicked in full throttle I was pretty sure I was invisible to the opposite sex. I had made it all the way through high school without dating, surely I was completely undesirable. Then I started online dating and I realized what the problem was. One of the first questions almost every guy would ask was “Can you have sex?” At first I didn't get it. I had entered womanhood fully aware that I was capable of sex and getting pregnant. Why wasn't the rest of the world privy of this knowledge? I finally knew why I was I was never a prospect for guys in high school. Let's face it, high school is a time of raging hormones and when people are dating they expect some type of action even if it isn't full on coitus. Guys who knew me were more than likely too afraid to ask. Eventually I got so tired of answering the question online that I just stated it in my profile. Apparently that's what most people with disabilities who try online dating have to do.

Online dating has taught me a lot. I'm not invisible to men. I can be sexy. And most of all I have to communicate. (One day I'll dedicate a blog post or a whole book about my online dating experience. I have some pretty interesting stories. )

This is such an important topic to me only because sexuality is one of the pillars of human nature. EVERYONE has sex. Old people, I'm talking 80+ (kind of gross). People with disabilities. Homeless people. People who don't have feeling below their necks or waists (fun fact: people who can't feel their private parts will just find other trigger points for an orgasm). Transgendered people. People who look like they shouldn't be having sex are probably having it. Everyone has sex because sometimes being one with another person is the only thing that makes sense in this crazy world.

I wrote this because I can't stand assumptions. Able-bodied women and men don't have to say that they can have sex. I shouldn't have to either. My ability to have sex shouldn't be the deciding factor for anything but it is. That's the world we live in. And honestly I've spent my whole life trying to prove assumptions wrong. Why do we make assumptions about anyone?

People assume I'm innocent. They assume I can't have fun. They assume I'd make a horrible significant other and mother. They assume I spend my whole life in bed, for non-sexual reasons, obviously. They assume I'm not as bright as I am. Assumptions have become brick walls around me preventing others from starting many relationships with me, platonic or otherwise. And I'm not perfect I make assumptions too. But the best assumption we can make with strangers is that we are all just human, with human vices, desires, needs, and dreams. Don't let someone amazing pass you by as a result of assuming.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The Key to Happiness

Lately I've been focusing on happiness. At times, happiness seems to be an elusive enigma. I've always been relatively happy but my whole disposition has taken a beating the older I've gotten. I'm one of those people that builds ludicrous expectations up in my head then I'm crushed when real life doesn't live up to make believe. I watch too many movies and read too many books. 12 year old Allegra was sure senior prom would be a night of magic. She was sure high school would be just like Pretty in Pink and the likes. And of course, when she was 21 she'd be married and maybe start having kids. As I said before, ludicrous expectations.

It's funny in a Shakesperian-tragic way how life will ruin the hopes you make for yourself as a child. I've been heart-broken, bullied, used. And sometimes I just don't want to be “happy.” I'm most creative when I'm in one of my “I hate the world” moods. Eventually, hating the world loses it's appeal and I have to suck it up and move on with my life.

I genuinely want to be a happier person. Which begs the question where does happiness stem from? Money. Sex. Other people. Fame. If you seek out happiness among those things you'll be sorely disappointed. Money comes and goes. The richest people in the world are in and out of rehab. So obviously, while money and fame would be nice it's not best to expect happiness from those two alone. Then there's people who can't be single. This is a struggle for many people my age. I'm sorry but I don't want to rely on my significant other to quench my thirst for happiness nor do I want him to do that to me. That is a lot of pressure. Sure I want to be happy in his presence but I desire to know how to be happy outside of or in spite of him. People will leave you and break your heart but if you know how to be happy on your own moving on isn't such an impossible feat. Lastly, everyone knows sex is beautiful and amazing. A lot of people think getting laid on regular basis will make them happy. Those feel-good endorphins are only temporary, hate to break to ya. Sex will only make you happy until it doesn't. Until you fall in love and the other person doesn't. Until you wake up in bed with someone you wouldn't have hooked-up with while sober. Until you're super old and you have no game. Or until you love it so much you let it control your life and ruin relationships with people you truly care about. I may be young but I know the key to happiness is somewhere else.

I'm realizing happiness is a plant in the core of my being, it was just under all the rubble and dirt. Some people have the perfect chemical balance in their brains to be cheerful all the time. I am not one of those people. In order for me to become a happier person I have nurture that plant inside me with some TLC, as corny as that sounds. It's not easy and it will take a lot of work on my part. If I felt so inclined I could let my happiness wither and die. But I don't want that. Up until several months ago I was looking for joy in places that I knew it wouldn't be discovered. All along it was inside me. I have talents and I have great people in my life now that I've relinquished a few that were bringing me down. And I've been waking up and thanking God for everything great in my life. I have a feeling that by making gratefulness a habit, surrounding myself with positivity, and cultivating my gifts that flower inside me will blossom. Sooner or later I'll have a colorful garden of bliss that no one can destroy but me. (That last line was so peppy it made me wince. But hey, I'm trying.)

May you find that plant somewhere inside yourself!